Dear Lucas,
My boyfriend's family is great, but I don't know how to relate to them and I'm worried they think I'm dull. Any tips for talking to parents?
Silent in San Antonio
Dear Silent,
Yes! Talking to parents is easy. Usually I just scream about what I want and how I haven't had that thing in months even though it's my favorite thing in the world. My mom loves telling me she sold it and says interesting things like "What do children need toys for?" That's a popular parent topic. Try that. Talking to grown-ups is fun!
Lucas
Dear Lucas,
Long time reader, first time writer. I always appreciate how you handle intimacy issues. I'm worried I can't connect with my girlfriend despite how hot and heavy things can get. Does that mean we're not right for each other?
Distant in Detroit
Dear Distant,
The best way to make a connection with a girl is to hide in her closet when you have a play-date at her house. I know this works because every time I do it, I can hear her talking to her parents about me, which makes me feel special and wanted. They're always asking fun things like "Do his parents even know he was here?" and "Does he even have parents?" because they want my girlfriend to know all about me.
Lucas
Dear Lucas,
I'm currently dating two guys who are both great. I hate leading them on though. How do I know which one is right for me?
Indecisive in Irvington
Dear Indecisive,
Why do you have to choose? The more people who love you, the better you'll feel in your heart.
Lucas
Dear Lucas,
Well, I'd like to be in a committed relationship and married before I'm 30, which is inching closer and closer.
Indecisive
Dear Indecisive,
That's great news! You can be married and still have boyfriends! My parents are married and are very happy but sometimes my dad leaves for weeks and when he's gone there's a guy who calls me "Buddy" when I see him at breakfast.
Lucas
Dear Lucas,
Indecisive here again. That seems like it's detrimental to your parents' relationship. Are you sure your father is happy with that?
Indecisive
Dear Indecisive,
Of course! My dad loves it. I can tell because when he comes home, he shows how much he loves my mom by staring at their wedding picture for hours. My dad is the best at staring! Sometimes when we talk he just stops mid-sentence and stares at me for like 20 minutes! I can't wait to be married! I'm going to stare so much at my family.
Lucas
NOTCHES ON LUCAS’S BELT
Emily, 9
He's the one who threw up when he was my square dancing partner.
Jessica, 8
Lucas used to stare at me during class until I had to change schools.
Sandra, 36
Did Lucas tell you I was his girlfriend? I'm his dentist.
This article was originally published December 2012