Scarves? See ya. Pea coats? Please.
Ditch the winter wear and get ready for spring, where the common theme is sophistication. Below are the looks you can expect to find everywhere from Soho to Paris, flaunting an elegance rarely seen in warm-weather attire.
Front Capes
Hannibal Buress
Unexpected heat wave? Chilly and raining? Spring is here, which means it's important to stay flexible in the wardrobe department. The proper front cape affords you warmth where it matters (the front), while keeping your backside breezy and ready for anything your date may throw your way.
Evening Front Capes
Hannibal Buress
Though your new collection of front capes may be flashy and colorful, don't be afraid to inject a little class at your next black-tie affair. The formal front cape is a wardrobe staple perfect for Oysters Rockefeller and champagne flutes.
Lobster hands
Hannibal Buress
Effortlessly elevate any front cape with a pair of lobster hands. They can also double as streetwear when you're looking for a touch of class for a casual night out.
Rite Aid Bag
Natasha Leggero
For unfussy, empowered chic that's easy to maintain, this look offers the grace and portability of a Rite Aid bag, with the fearless stain-protection only a Rite-Aid bag can offer. Readily available at Rite Aid and in a big cabinet under most sinks. Repurpose a spare Rite Aid bag as a headband. Be sure to tie it tight—you don't want it unraveling in the middle of your wild night out. Just don't forget the air hole. You want to leave others breathless, not you.
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Arm Hair
Moshe Kasher
Dare people to ignore this must-have accessory. Arm hair maintains that groomed, yet rugged Sasquatch look and ensures your outfits remain short-sleeved and nimble—perfect for the man constantly on the go. Immaculately coiffed and manicured, this ain't your grandfather's arm hair.
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The Sex Offender
Garfunkel and Oates (Kate Micucci & Riki Lindhome)
Contrasting patterns are an easy way to introduce intrigue into a simple outfit, and the "sex offender" effortlessly juxtaposes soft features with the patchy and unsettling. Be the best looking future sex offender sitting on that park bench.
Grooming Tips:
Comb mustache gently every night
Go to extremes with mustache wax - use sparingly or liberally
Moisten mustache by licking lips while sitting at a booth by yourself at Denny's
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Tuxedo You Found In The Dumpster
Danny McBride
The one tuxedo you'll ever need, the dumpster tux will undoubtedly have that vintage look that will always be in style. Everyone's dumpster yields a different prize. Each bullet hole tells a story, especially if that story is, "Some guy was shot in this tux."
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Christian Dior Pants/Coat: Free
Hugo Boss Shirt with Optional Reddish (Blood?) Stain: Free
Men's Wearhouse Vest: Free
Bow tie: Acquired in trade with one-toothed "dumpster guard"
Where to buy: Dumpster
Photography by Mandee Johnson
Additional Photography by Seth Olenick
Originally published February 2013