↓ CLICK TO ENLARGE THE PHOTOS ↓
Photography by Katrina Marcinowski & Lara Solanki
Originally published October 2013
Reader Suggestions
Instead of the usual smattering of blurbs that readers have sent us, this month we're highlighting just one.
We received the following letter in the mail, packed tightly in a padded envelope along with multiple VHS tapes:
Tape #1, Titled:
“Here is where I show the best part of waking up”
Tape #2, Titled:
“This is so raven for sex”
Tape #3, Titled:
“This sex move is what to expect when your expecting”
Tape #4, Titled:
“A good one for dealing with in-laws”
Originally published October 2013
The Old Magic 8 Ball
Ask your question and shake me for the answer!
Read MoreFitness Review: Exercise
W
Artie Johann illustration by Gregor Louden
ho’s got time to be healthy and in shape? I’ll tell you who: boring people. I once read that exercise was invented by a nerd who was actually just running from a bully. There’s a chance I didn’t read that, but was told it by a guy who was bullying me while I was jogging. I kind of get bullied a lot. It’s not because I’m a nerd, it’s usually because of the different T-shirts I wear. I think they’re funny, but most people don’t seem to get them. My funniest shirts are probably “Mexicans Are Bad,” “Indians Should Be Punched,” and “Black People Are Inferior.” I guess I’m just ahead of my time when it comes to comedy.
One reason I don’t like exercise is that it always reminds me of my Phys Ed teacher, Mr. Steigerwald. What a bozo that guy was. Every time we played dodgeball in class he’d yell stupid things at me like “Take your hands out of your pockets, you’re gonna get hit in the face!” or “Where’d you get that snake?!” I remember telling him that when
I got older I was gonna come back to school and kick his ass.
And I fulfilled that promise right after I said it and he turned around. Technically, I was older (by one second) and technically, I kicked his ass (‘cause my foot hit his ass). So, I kicked his ass. Then he tried to get me suspended, but I told him if he did I’d tell everyone that he molested me. You can get away with a lot of cool stuff as a kid if you lie about being molested.
Another reason I hate exercise is that there are too many strong people. The government should make a law that only allows one or two strong people per city. That’s more fair to all the weak, lazy people. What good is government if they can’t protect the people who don’t wanna work hard? Besides, no one needs to be strong any more. In the past, people had to be strong to pick up things. Nowadays, we rarely have to pick up anything because of robots and computers. Sure, a lot of them aren’t invented yet, but who cares? I’m still not picking up all the garbage in my apartment.
Here are three alternatives to exercise:
- Nightmares. Really bad nightmares pretty much count as working out, especially if they involve a lot of sweating and screaming. If you have trouble having nightmares, try eating a full bowl of spaghetti right before you go to bed, or try being mean to a lot of dangerous people during the day.
- Eating. I’ve run three miles before, and I’ve eaten seven cheeseburgers before. If all exercise is is feeling tired when you’re done doing something, then eating seven cheeseburgers is as good as any exercise
- Just talk about working out. Most people work out so they can tell people they’ve worked out. No one ever calls their bluff. So if you want to feel like you’ve exercised, just tell people you did. A good way to fake having just worked out is to walk around drinking a smoothie. Drinking a smoothie is pretty much the international symbol for “I spent twenty minutes on an elliptical.”
In conclusion, exercise stinks. If you feel the urge to work out, don’t. Just find a cologne ad with a muscular guy in it and put a photo of your head on his. Then maybe take a picture of that and send it to your ex-girlfriend. Now who stinks, Amy? Not me. I’m in a cologne ad, which is the opposite of stinking.
Overall Rating
FOUR OUT OF FOUR FACEBOOK BIKINI PROFILE PICS
Don’t waste your time working out while these photos of your co-workers are free on the Internet.
This article was originally published August 2013
Physician's Lounge, April 1st
You wanted to see me, sir?
Yes, Dr. Metzger. I’m afraid I’ve got some bad news. I’ve been receiving complaints from your patients. And I’ve decided I can’t allow you to make April Fools jokes this year.
Oh my God.
I know you’re disappointed, but my mind is made up.
What about the one where I tell the patient I’m out of anesthetic?
No.
What about the one where I put on a janitor’s outfit, grab a scalpel and walk into the operating room just as my patient loses consciousness? So he thinks he’s going to be operated on by a janitor?
No.
What about the one where the patient wakes up after his operation and I start shouting, ‘Where’s my stethoscope? Where did I leave my stethoscope?’ And then I stare at the patient’s torso, with a look of horror, like I maybe left it inside of his body?
No.
You can’t do this to me! April Fools’ Day is the highlight of my year. It’s the only reason I finished medical school – to experience the holiday as a doctor.
I’m sorry, Sam, but my hands are tied.
What about the one where the patient wakes up and I’m wearing a robot costume, so he thinks he’s been in a coma for eighty years. And I’m, like, “Welcome to the future, Mr. Greenbaum. The world you remember is gone.” In a robot voice.
No.
How could you be so cruel? I mean, for God’s sake, what happened to the Hippocratic Oath?
“First do no harm?”
That’s what that meant?
Yes.
You sure?
Yes.
It wasn’t something about April Fools?
No.
What about the one where I tell the patient his kidney operation was a grand success, but then, while I’m talking to him, I have an intern come in and say, “Dr. Metzger, you’ve got some dirt on your shoulder.” And I start to brush my right shoulder. And the intern’s like, “No, your left shoulder.” And I’m like, “This is my left shoulder.” And he’s like, “No, it’s your right shoulder. What’s the matter with you, Dr. Metzger? Don’t you know your left from your right?” And then we both look at the patient’s torso, with a look of horror, to imply, like…
I know where you’re going with this.
…to imply, like, maybe I operated on the wrong kidney? Like, maybe I did the left one, instead of the right one. Because I don’t know the difference between right and left.
No.
At least let me workshop it.
I’m sorry, Sam, but my decision is final.
...
April... Fools!
HOLY SHIT!
I can’t believe you bought that.
Man, you got me good. Guess that’s why you’re head of surgery.
Pass me a robot mask. It’s time to make the rounds.
Illustration by Natalie Capannelli
This article was originally published August 2013
Fuck Marry Kill: John Travolta, John Travolta, John Travolta
Make your choice. We won't judge.
ILLUSTRATIONS BY Juan Leguizamon
Originally Published August 2013
More FMK:
TerryCo: Protein Supplement (TERRYPROTEIN)
This article was originally published August 2013
How to Build a Biological Clock Out of a Potato
Illustration by Christina Song
Literally every woman has a ticking time bomb within her that someday will explode and tell her to have millions of babies like a disgusting spider, striped with stretch marks laying a fetid egg sac.
This is called a “biological clock.”
It might explode when you’re 16 or it might explode when you’re 41 (Old Maid much?), but it’s going to happen.
- Buy two potatoes on your normal trip to the grocery store. Make sure to ask your husband/lover if he’d like potatoes as well, since if he wants potatoes you should make sure to get enough to make a clock and to give him his potatoes! Yum!
- Also ask your man if he’d like any other groceries while you’re there for the potatoes. There’s a good chance he’d like something! Men are very hungry! For example, they sometimes like pita bread!
- Get in your car. Make sure to adjust the side mirrors to your level if it’s your husband/father’s car – they are taller than us! Remember to keep your eyes on the road and NOT to readjust your makeup in the mirrors as you drive. Women need to be extra vigilant while behind the wheel due to spatial reasoning. Plus, your makeup already looks great, girl!
- Pull over. You got lost on the way to the grocery store, didn’t you? Just ask a kindly gas station attendant or barkeep for directions. They’ll be sure to help you if you give a little smile and show a little gam!
NOTE: IF YOU WERE ASSAULTED BY A GAS STATION ATTENDANT, FOLLOW STEP 5. IF YOU WERE NOT, SKIP TO STEP 6. - Do not shower. Immediately call 911.
- You’re at the grocery store! Isn’t this fun? Head to the potato section. Find two potatoes that are particularly large and starchy. If you aren’t sure which potatoes to get, ask one of the green grocers for help. He’ll love the chance to be of service!
NOTE: IF YOU WERE ASSAULTED BY A GREEN GROCER, FOLLOW STEP 7. IF YOU WERE NOT, SKIP TO STEP 8. - Do not shower. Immediately call 911 after you buy the potatoes that he recommends (he still knows his stuff, after all.)
- Buy the potatoes. Drive home – carefully! Strap the potatoes into the passenger seat as a precaution, lest you get in an accident on the way home due to spatial reasoning. Don’t become too attached, though – they are NOT your babies! They are potatoes!
- Make your husband/father/milkman google “how to make a potato clock” online. It involves nails, wires, etc. Very complicated.
- Make him make one for you.
- Now’s the part where you set the time. It’s a little subjective – you’re going to have to feel out deep within yourself when you think the all-encompassing urge to have children is going to take full control of your life and mind and body. One thing to look out for is that maybe it’s already happened and the urge you’re feeling within you is a six-month-old fetus. Once you’ve decided on a year and date and time for your biological clock, have your husband set the clock face that he put on your clock when he made it for you.
NOTE: IF YOU WERE ASSAULTED BY YOUR HUSBAND, FOLLOW STEP 12. IF YOU WERE NOT, SKIP TO STEP 13. - No worries – if it’s your husband, doesn’t really count! Feel free to shower!
- Congrats! You’ve made your biological potato clock! You go girl!!!!!
Illustration by Christina Song
This article was originally published August 2013
Fitness Lessons With Tom Lennon: 'Total Body Confusion'
PUSH PLAY BELOW, AND CLICK THROUGH THE PHOTOS
TO SEE THE WORKOUT IN ACTION
The Occasional Staff Fitness Challenge: Part 2
30 days in
It's been a month since our contestants began the sugar-free diet. Lets check in on them!
SHARON
195 POUNDS
Gained 6 lbs.
Oh you got me! Diet starts today, I swear.
MATTEO
161 POUNDS
Lost 4 lbs.
Seriously? Only four pounds? Been blasting at the gym twice a day, too.
DOUG
141 POUNDS
Lost 9 lbs.
Who are you with? I don't know what you're talking about. Listen, my wife will be here in a sec to grab the keys from me. Though, technically, she's my ex-wife... Ex. That just kills me. Did you know we were together since high school? I just realized this is the first time I've ever been alone.
This article was originally published August 2013
Celebrity Fitness Secrets
Ever wonder how celebs keep their bods toned and taught for their movie star closeups?
TOM CRUISE
Swims 30 laps per day in a thimble!
USHER
lifts the crushing weight of depression!
NICOLE KIDMAN
chases down and sucks the blood from goats!
MILEY CYRUS
runs through five personalities per day!
JOHNNY DEPP
does weight training under 48 pounds of scarves!
KATIE HOLMES
runs from Scientologists!
BEYONCE
does nothing because she is perfect!
NICOLAS CAGE
fights a komodo dragon!
SHIA LABOUEF
does something entirely bland and unmemorable!
SYLVESTER STALLONE
eats a salad bowl filled to the brim with horse steroids!
This article was originally published August 2013
BestieXBestie: Episode 4
Gabe and Jenny are Besties who love to chit-chat. They're very unique individuals. Press play, thank you!
Directed by Dean Fleischer-Camp
This video was originally published August 2013
MORE BestieXBestie:
Around Town: Willem Dafoe's Drinkable Diet!
DAFOE'S DRINKABLE DIET! How does Willem Dafoe keep his hot Hollywood bod even at 57? This week, the Spider-Man star let his slimming secret slip: Willem is on an all breast milk diet!
"I consume nothing but milk squeezed from the ripe breasts of lactating mothers," Willem told Men's Healthmagazine in a five hour interview during which he did not blink. "I flick, flick, flick my tongue over their swollen nipples, savoring their hot white nectar. It pleasures me."
While the breast milk diet keeps Willem looking trim and tasty, it isn't cheap! The Platoon star says he spends thousands each week paying a stable of lactating mothers to live in a shed behind his house! "I visit them thrice daily to nurse," dishes Willem. "While lapping at their engorged teats I often purr like a feline. Purrrrrrrrr."
So will the breast milk diet trend catch on with other health-conscious celebs? Maybe so! Willem says A-listers like Nicolas Cage and Paul Giamatti have have already joined him in his "suckling sessions" while magician David Blaine is widely known to live on a slurry of breast milk and raw placenta!
This article was originally published August 2013
The Gauntlet: 50 Questions with Pete Holmes
Photo by Pete Holmes
In lieu of a real interview, we sent over 50 questions to Pete Holmes
and told him to answer as many as he could and that
regardless of how far he got, we'd publish all of them.
So you have a show?
Yup!
Does that feel good?
Yup!
Like real good?
Totes real good.
Why do you get a show and not someone like Lena Dunham? She deserves a show.
Lena Dunham has a wildly popular show called Girls. I’ll forward you a link.
How many times have you made love to Lena Dunham?
I do have a crush on Lena Dunham. She dates the guitarist from Fun and I like to think of myself as the ambassador of fun, so I might have a chance.
How many times have you made love to anyone?
My record is “I can’t believe this is happening!”
Have you ever made love to someone who didn’t consider it ‘making love’?
I’ve “plowed” a lover once or twice (once). One time thanks to some Italian Merlot I gave a girlfriend “the business.”
What kind of bed do you sleep in?
Regular flat. Not old-person reading-style or european-sex bed.
What kind of home do you live in?
A Pete homes.
What’s your dream home?
Pete Holmes.
How do you maintain your glow?
A low of raw vegan food. That’s real. I have a glow. It’s because of a lot of raw vegan food. I’m taking this joke question as an opportunity to remind people that living, organic produce has the enzymes that naturally produce the healthy “glow” that makeup and skin products attempt to simulate. Read more on my raw vegan food blog Rawesome Veeg-Neck Tee which doesn’t exist.
What advice would you give aspiring comedians who want to lose weight?
www.RawesomeVeegNeckTee.tumblr.com which doesn’t exist.
Doctors: Yay or Nay?
I prefer Yachtors (doctors on big boats).
What about dentists?
If not for dentists, who would we lie to about flossing?
Right?
Totes.
What’s your 4th favorite color?
Asians. Wait, what?
What’s your mother’s favorite song?
“Look at that Goat in the River, It’s Attacking that Child We Named ‘Forever’” (she’s from Lithuania)
What should it be?
“We Don’t Talk to Police” by the Ghetto Boys
Do you have a sister?
Nope.
What movie do you hate?
The Dark Knight Rises. Here’s me as Batman making fun of it.
What movie do you tell people you hate, but your sister loves?
The Non-Existent Sisterhood of the Traveling I Don’t Have a Sister.
What movie does your sister love, but you also love because you’re family?
The Other Sister, Sister Act, Sister Act Two: The Other Sister Act.
And to be clear, you do have a sister, right?
Did you fuck my sister?
Phew.
Is that a yes?
Phew?
HOW DARE YOU??!!?
Who’s bald these days?
Howie Mandel and everyone in that Alien movie with the guy who was the star of the sitcom Roc. Which one was that? Alien 3? They had to shave their heads.
How many mugs of Pepsi do you drink in an hour, ballpark?
I don’t drink soda. www.RawesomeVeegNeckTee.tumblr.com
Can you imagine a red computer?
ComputeRED.
If you had to choose one food to eat for the rest of your life, who would be making you do that?
Probably Mormon Jesus.
What is the best YouTube comment?
“This made me feel less alone for a moment. Also, UR GAY.”
What’s an example of a non-racist YouTube comment?
All YouTube comments are racist if you look hard enough.
What does a microphone taste like?
Pencil shavings you left wrapped in aluminum foil for two weeks.
Phonies or haters: who’s sexier?
I’m turned on by a hater with big phonies.
What was the last CD you bought?
AOL.
Have you always loved The Cranberries?
I prefer their opener, Urinary Tract Infection.
Favorite white person on In Living Color?
The least coordinated fly girl.
Favorite black person on Monday Night Football?
I love all black people.
Favorite Jewish person in the biz? Any biz.
I love all Jewish people.
Halls or Ricola?
I just open the window while driving through the Stephen King movie “The Mist.”
Do you want to stop these questions?
I could stop at any time. This and Tylenol PM. I’m in complete control.
Don’t you know these questions can stop any time you’d like?
Yes.
Chest hair’s making a comeback. Are you okay with this?
Back hair’s making a comechest. How do YOU feel about that?
What would you tell the you from 10 years ago?
Invent Yelp.
What would you like to tell the you 10 years from now?
Sell your Yelp stock to our robot overlords or they won’t stop whipping us.
What would you tell me 10 years ago?
Help me invent Yelp.
Hm. Really seems like you don’t know me that well.
Raw honey is good for you. If you heat it, you lose all the benefits. Also, honey bees are responsible for 6/10ths of our food supply yet we keep fucking them over. TAKE CARE OF OUR BEES.
How often do you exercise?
I only lie about flossing.
What goes on when Ben Affleck and Matt Damon get together?
They mostly talk about me, I’d suppose.
What conversations do you think Will and Jada have at night?
“No, YOU are legend.”
What couple would you like to have a dinner party with?
No couples. See my Craigslist listing.
What are you bringing to that dinner party?
I got your bottle of wine right here (grabs pants).
Don’t you think they’d have that already?
Some of them have had it already (high fives everyone).
This article was originally published August 2013
READ MORE Gauntlet: 50 Questions:
TerryCo: Common Sense Equals Common Results (Shit You Should Already Know)
The New Book From Jerome Mayberry
Acclaimed Author of
I Never Met a Free Trial Membership I Didn't Like
'I Know You Stole From Me, Asshole!' and Other Ways to Start a Fight
Your Weight Ain't Your Dad
Featuring chapters such as:
Go The Extra Mile: Smoke On The Treadmill
Small Tank Tops = Big Results
Carrots: The Thinking Man's Eye Doctors
The Reviews Are In!
"I told my cousin to write a book, so he did."
-Terry Crews
Actor/Magazine Editor/CEO, TerryCo Industries
Originally published August 2013
The Occasional Staff Fitness Challenge: Part 1
In May, when we learned we were doing a health-themed issue of The Occasional, we picked three of our employees at random and entered them into a competition to see who could lose the most weight on the same health plan.
To keep things simple, they all went on a sugar-free diet, which means not just avoiding sweet snacks like candy and cookies, but also white bread, pasta, sodas, and even some fruits and vegetables. Trust us, it's tougher than it sounds.
Meet our Contestants Below
Sharon (189 pounds)
What do you do at The Occasional?
"I'm the Office Manager. Keep things organized for everyone. Best job in the world!"
What do you hope to accomplish in this competition?
"Just looking for a new hobby y'all! And if it means living healthier, that's just icing on the cake. LOL." (ed note: she spelled out the letters "L-O-L")
Matteo (165 pounds)
What do you do at The Occasional?
"Crush it in sales."
What do you hope to accomplish in this competition?
"Crush it in life."
Doug (150 pounds)
What do you do at The Occasional?
"I love that you guys are doing this, I do. But this really isn't a good time. I have a lot going on at home."
What do you hope to accomplish in this competition?
"Fine, just give her what she wants. I hate what this has turned us into. I just want to be able to see her again -- wait, hold on. Actually let me call you back…Guys, what is it you need? I'm on the phone with my wife's divorce attorney."
This article was originally published August 2013
Gym Rules
- Make sure you sign in on the sheet out front (usually the gym supervisor will be at the desk next to it). Put your name, member ID number, and time in.
- If the gym supervisor says hi when you’re signing in, feel free to smile and say hi back. He doesn’t bite!
- A lot of people have asked about the space on the sign-in sheet for a phone number. We just prefer if you put it. Not a huge deal if you’d rather not for some strange reason.
- When signing in, there’s no need to feel self-conscious just because the gym supervisor is so close by, and seemingly just sitting there. He’s actually very busy, organizing the brackets for the juniors squash tournament. He definitely is not looking at you. Even if he had time to just stare idly at you—which again, he doesn’t—he wouldn’t, because that would be so creepy!
- The space on the sign-in sheet for astrological sign is just a fun thing that is totally optional. The gym supervisor is really knowledgeable about astrology, and could give you some fun feedback on your sign! But again, completely optional.
- The space for social security number just came on the sign-in sheets when we ordered them; we didn’t put it there. However, it is required.
- The gym supervisor has been trained in a great breathing technique that he would be happy to teach you; feel free to ask him!
- Another thing about being nice to the gym supervisor is that he can possibly get you a discount on some of the merchandise in the gym shop, as long as the manager isn’t there, which is pretty often.
- Gym attire is required in the gym at all times. Clothing should be extremely tight-fitting, with no loose-hanging pieces that could get caught in the machines. If you’re unsure about an item, the gym supervisor would be happy to let you know if it’s appropriate.
- Also, doctors recommend exposing as much skin as possible while exercising in order to allow sweat flecks to evaporate properly and avoid skin reaction. Hey, don’t ask me: I’m not a doctor! I’m a gym-rule writer.
- Nudity is permitted in the gym at all times.
- It is imperative to stretch before exercising! There’s a good open space for stretches near the front of the gym, by the desk where the gym supervisor sits. You can stretch anywhere, but that’s just a good spot, most people find.
- If a machine malfunctions while you are using it, alert the gym supervisor immediately by standing in front of the machine with your hand raised, and your chest thrust outward.
- No men are allowed in the gym.
- Stay hydrated! Some health experts say dousing your entire body in water is slightly more effective than putting it in your mouth.
- If you’re on a machine and you get a weird sense that the gym supervisor is watching you from behind, don’t worry: it’s probably just your imagination. Even if he is there, he’s just inspecting something. He has to inspect all the machines to make sure they’re working properly, and he makes his rounds every so often, as part of his job. But again, he’s just looking at the machine, and definitely just testing something on the machine if you feel his hand brush your back.
- On your way out, make sure to put your time out on the sign-in sheet and sign your name on the waiver form next to it which absolves the gym supervisor of various liabilities.
- The locker rooms are under video surveillance.
- Please limit use of cardio machines to thirty minutes if someone is waiting!
This article was originally published August 2013
The Occasional Staff Fitness Challenge: Part 3
90 Days In
The final check in! As a surprise for our awesome contestants, we enlisted a physician to weigh in with his thoughts on the process.
Sharon
166 Pounds
Lost 23 lbs
Doctor's Conclusion:
Lost weight in a healthy way and it should have positive effects on her lifestyle. Kudos, Sharon
“I look great and feel better! Let’s do this every year.”
Matteo
155 Pounds
Lost 10 lbs.
Doctor's Conclusion:
Matteo lost 10 pounds quickly but plateau'd since his body was mostly muscle weight as is. He was already in tip-top shape and would need a drastic change in lifestyle to change anything.
“Honestly I’m a little disappointed. But it just means I need to work harder.”
Doug
130 Pounds
Lost 47 lbs.
Doctor's Conclusion:
He's lost a dangerous amount of weight in a short amount of time and I don't even think he partook in the diet? Seems to be stress-induced and the lack of nutrients in his body is shocking. He reeks of peanut shells, which I surmise he's been subsisting on. So, sure, he won, but I give him maybe three more weeks to live.
“I won? Ol’ Dougy boy is back in business, baby.”
*Doug died later after partaking in this interview
We've come a long way.
One last peek at our fantastic competitors to see where they were at press time!
Sharon
Matteo
Doug
Well, that's it!
We had a blast and it's safe to say that everyone in the office feels great. Awesome job, team!
This article was originally published August 2013
Letter from the Guest Editor: Terry Crews
Photography by Scott Garrison
Y
es. I’m guest editor of The Occasional’s Health and Fitness Issue. It has nothing to do with being big, strong, muscular, or extremely intimidating. Nope, I was chosen because I’m funny. After roaming the halls of Funny Or Die for the past few months, peeking in offices, surprising staffers with classic comedic routines like, “Angry Black Man” or “Really Pissed Off Black Dude,” I finally convinced them I needed a shot. Sometimes I’d sit in the lobby, glistening with sweat right after a workout and stare angrily into the eyes of everyone who walked in the front door until security asked me to leave. But you better believe I’d come back… because comedy is all about commitment.
Getting arrested is a lot like bombing on stage. You just keep going until they get the joke. I’ve dedicated years of blood, sweat and tears into making you laugh. Especially blood. Not mine of course… but whoever gets in my way. Ha-ha. That’s funny. Tell me that’s not funny. That was a good joke, Terry.
See, I have a lot of pain in my life, and comedy helps me deal with it. It’s funny to see the people who told you ‘no’ in the past, stumbling along, trying to get their bearings as their blinding pain is accompanied by the soundtrack of my raucous laughter. I know I’m funny because the others in the office laugh too, simply when I look at them. It’s really strange how funny and scary are two sides of the same coin. A coin I’m constantly twirling in my giant, black fingertips.
So let me be your guide. I want you to think of me as your gigantic, unnerving, special black friend who will harm anyone but you-- until it’s too late. Nervous laughter is still laughter, ain’t it? Yeah, I thought so. Because I’m downright hilarious, dammit.
Terry Crews
Large Black Man/Magazine Editor
Oh, as guest editor, I get to do some shameless plugs, because I have a family and they like to eat. My business venture TERRYCO is prominently featured in this issue, providing health and fitness lifestyle products to help you live a better life, because you can’t laugh when you’re dead. So, anytime you see that TERRYCO brand, you better pay attention to what’s on that page. As for everything else, you’re on your own - hell, I didn’t even read that trash. And neither should you.
Originally published August 2013
Hot New Workout: Scream Yoga
Ah, yoga. What's not to love about sprawling out on a comfy mat, stretching your limbs, and losing yourself in tranquility? Not only does it tone your body, it refreshes your mind, lowers your stress level, and improves your immune system.
A more minimalist approach than standard and now-dated techniques like Ashtanga and Bikram, Scream Yoga is based on 15th century Indian principles that focus on freeing the body and soul from the outside world and focusing on what's within, and letting out a piercing volume, a practice that loosens the lungs while tightening your core.
Beginner
Intermediate
Advanced
Photography by Matt Johnson
Featuring: Amy Row, Josh Marx, & Kristin Stokes
Originally published August 2013